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Camp Hacknslash

SAT., AUG. 9, 2003

It’s been a long, hard day of Frisbee golf, and after skateboarding all the way home carrying a Slurpee, a microwave burrito, and a king-sized bag of Funyuns, all you really want to do is eat dinner and veg out with your GameCube until you’re blissfully overcome by sweet slumber. It’s tough being a grownup in Austin, but fortunately you possess the good sense to know when to relax and get some shuteye. Then, just about the time your eyelids get heavy and your fingers slide off the joystick, Tim League appears on your windowsill in a leafy green shirt and green tights and beckons you off to Neverland. Looks like another all-nighter with the Lost Boys and Girls from Alamo Drafthouse. This Saturday, Ain’t It Cool News and the Drafthouse are hosting Camp Hacknslash, an all day summer camp with an all-night summer camp horror movie marathon. For a paltry $40, campers will receive a Camp Hacknslash T-shirt, tube socks, a nutritious dinner, fruit punch, s’mores, and a nutritious breakfast along with a quadruple feature of camp-themed horror films shown on the Alamo’s huge, inflatable screen. The evening will also feature a world premiere theatrical screening of Freddy Vs. Jason with Freddy and Jason (Robert Englund and Ken Kirzinger) live in person. Grisly horror movies aren’t the only fun on the bill either. Daytime activities include a nature walk, capture the flag, a hot dog eating contest, three-legged races, an egg toss, a wet T-shirt contest, bong building, dodge ball, a snipe hunt, archery, tubing, and more, though not necessarily in that order (for instance, the intelligent choice would be to put the hot dog eating contest after the bong building). Campers who survive the day will enjoy even more excitement that night. In addition to the horror films, campers will also be treated to s’mores, campfire stories, and a Q&A session with the stars and director of Freddy Vs. Jason including Kelly Rowland from Destiny’s Child. If that doesn’t keep you up, what will? Camp starts at 3pm at an undisclosed location within 20 minutes of Austin, but campers need to show up at 2pm so they can be divided into tribes and be assigned a camp counselor. Historically, summer camp is the ultimate place to meet members of the opposite sex and bed them on rickety cots in secluded cabins, but keep in mind, the camp brochure states that “all fornicators and sleepers will be butchered.” Well, that’s one way to never grow up.

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