White Ghost Shivers

Austin Chronicle Hot Sauce Festival

Luv Doc Writings, The Luv Doc Recommends

MON., AUG. 21, 2006

If for some inexplicable reason you moved to Austin and you don’t like Mexican food, leave. Seriously. Go back to whatever culturally impoverished, Applebee’s patronizing, Wonder Bread loving suburb you rolled down from and stop fucking up the office lunch run with your whining about acid reflux. Everyone is tired of you dipping the corner tip of your tortilla chip in the hot sauce, biting down, waving your hand in front of your mouth and declaring, “oooh that’s sooo spicy!” Not even a well-tipped waitress will fake sympathy for that weak shit. Oh yeah, and just because the restaurant is named “Chili’s” doesn’t mean the food is hot … not any more than a fish symbol on a business sign means they won’t fuck you in ways the devil himself never imagined. So, if you don’t like Mexican food, there are at least two northbound lanes on I-35. Ta Ta. Austin didn’t work out for you. Go back whence you came to the place where they spice their chili with cinnamon and nutmeg. Go back to the place where they eat flapjacks and Krispy Kremes for hangovers and pronounce jalapeño with a hard “J.” Don’t hate, emigrate. Leave us crazy Austicans to indulge in our sick, masochistic fetish for capsaicinoids. Leave us to sit sweating over our serranos, anchos, chipotles, piquins, and habaneros – both on the way in and the way out. Mexican food is why we live here. It’s why we came here. It’s why we can never leave. You think you can get a decent plate of migas in Maine? Unlikely. And we won’t be producing any world-class maple surple either, but we do make some mighty fine hot sauce. If you’re not convinced, you should check out this weekend’s Austin Chronicle Hot Sauce Festival, one of the world’s hottest events featuring a sampling of more than 300 hot sauce recipes and four Austin bands: NewBoy, White Ghost Shivers, Guy Forsyth, and the Texas Sapphires, all for a paltry donation of two nonperishable food items. If you don’t like Mexican food, this isn’t the event for you, but that’s OK, you should be busy packing anyway.

White Ghost Shivers

Luv Doc Writings, The Luv Doc Recommends

MON., AUG. 14, 2006

It’s finally weed-out season: that succession of 100-plus degree, rainless days, mid-August through late September where the mythical, travel brochure Austin gets exposed as the merciless, scorching sweatbox it really is. If you’re a doe-eyed Midwesterner or a West Coast high tech transplant who moved down in May, you’re probably wondering what the hell happened to all the verdure. You’re probably wondering why tar is dripping from the roof and the tap water never gets any cooler than tepid. You’re wondering why your flip-flops are sticking to the asphalt or why your Chow keeps dropping laser hair removal mailers in your lap when you come home from work. You might find yourself walking more slowly past the thong section at Target or the giant kiddie pools at Wal-Mart. You might be reconsidering your scotch and sirloin diet or the fondue party you have planned for Labor Day. You might be seriously thinking about trying guacamole, ceviche, or mojitos – not because they sound exotic, but because they look cool. And maybe it’s time to see what the big deal is about Barton Springs, Campbell’s Hole, Deep Eddy, Hamilton Pool, or Hippie Hollow. While you’re at it, maybe you need to revisit the whole clothing question altogether. In August do you really need anything more that a straw hat and a plum smuggler? Check with the folks in HR. Maybe you could get by with nothing more than a light glaze of deodorant and sunscreen. Whatever you do, don’t hide indoors. That’s just admitting defeat. You might as well move back to Sheboygan or Sioux City. If you want to survive, you have to adapt, evolve. Besides, with global warming, August in Austin might be up to a buck thirty in a few years. You don’t want to have wasted your chance to enjoy the cool weather, do you? Of course not. That’s why this Saturday on the deck at Central Market, you should chill with the White Ghost Shivers. That’s right, by the time the Shivers hit the stage, temperatures should be somewhere in the frosty mid-90s, which is a perfect temp to enjoy hot music from the Twenties and Thirties by a freaky, fully clothed band fronted by a 7 foot dude named “Shorty.”

New Year’s Eve Spectacular with the White Ghost Shivers and the Small Stars

Luv Doc Writings, The Luv Doc Recommends

SAT., DEC. 31, 2005

New Year’s Eve is pure bullshit, start to finish. It’s hype stacked on hype stacked on hype … ad infinitum. Not even Vegas blows as much smoke up the collective ass. Scratch that … not even the White House press secretary … well, you get the idea. One arbitrary digit flips and the whole world’s supposed to swap spit, spray champagne, rattle, whistle, honk, and holler? Well, actually not the whole world … just certain time zones in the Western hemisphere. After all, time is relative. In fact, it could be argued that time doesn’t really exist at all – that it’s just a philosophical framework we’ve superimposed on the physical world. Of course, as any philosophy major will tell you, that kind of thinking doesn’t get your timecard punched, but it sure might get you punched. People, Westerners in particular, like their time in a straight line. That way they feel like they can get a better glimpse of the end. Surely we weren’t blessed with consciousness just to chase our tails. Other peoples’ tails, well that’s something entirely different, and if you’re chasing tail on New Year’s Eve, it really pays to at least pretend to buy into the hype. Besides, the party is only as good as what you bring to it anyway, right? This Saturday Austin bands the Small Stars and the White Ghost Shivers are bringing circus freaks to their New Year’s party at the Blue Genie. Talk about putting your “Keep Austin Weird” money where your mouth is. It’s not like the Shivers didn’t have a serious Carnivále vibe going anyway, but pair them up with the Small Stars and you’ve got a three-titted bearded lady of a bill to say the least. Adding circus freaks to that mix is like spraying whipped cream on cheese fries: It might be good, but is it healthy? You should definitely go find out for yourself.