Month: January 2019

Mr. Sinus Xmas Variety Show

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SUN. DEC. 22, 2002

You were probably on top of this already, but Sunday is Ladybird’s 90th birthday (that being the first lady and not Hank Hill’s dog). While a 90 year old dog would truly be extraordinary even in dog years, 90 in human years is no mean feat. Remember: Jesus only clocked in at 33. So if you’re looking to get in a little pre-holiday celebrating Sunday, why not hoist a few to the living LBJ? It’s the Austin thing to do. Another uniquely Austin thing to do Sunday night is the Mr. Sinus X-mas Variety Show down at the Alamo Drafthouse on Colorado. Once again, Jerm, Owen and John will be goofing on a treasure trove of holiday-themed television and film specials. The show includes over 40 clips from classics like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” “The Fat Albert Christmas Special,” and “A Christmas Carol,” as well as lesser-known gems like the “Star Wars Holiday Special” and “Christmas Evil.” All are woven into the centerpiece of Frank Capra’s beloved 1946 classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” but don’t expect to get misty-eyed with anything but laughter. Also included in the evening’s festivities are sing-alongs, drinking games, and free milk and cookies. The early show starts at 6pm, but if you don’t want to miss Hank Hill’s dog there’s another one at 8:30.

Project Transitions’ Holiday Swing

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SAT. DEC. 7, 2002

The holidays are a time for giving – at least that’s what the man is selling, and by the time you finish this sentence, most of you will have roughly two weeks and some change to pony up with the presents. Even if you’re not on the Jesus train, it’s difficult to ignore the yearly corporate-pimped, guilt-milked spasm of materialism that defines holiday season. When Jesus ran the moneychangers out of the temple he had no idea that 2000 years later they would exact their revenge by creating the shopping mall. Payback’s a bitch. Shopping malls are their own exquisite brand of hell, especially during the holidays: the sickly sweet smell of caramelcorn; the cheese balls (not just the ones singing the carols); the Bobby Brooks sweaters with blinking red-nosed reindeer; the fat, pink-cheeked, heavy-breathing, questionably pedophilic guys in furry red suits plopping endless queues of greed-crazed toddlers in their laps; and the miles and miles of aisles filled with crap everyone seems to want but nobody really needs (God Bless America). The Mallidays have a unique ability to bring out the psychopathic eye twitch in just about everybody – and yet, as the maddeningly pervasive Musak nags, “’tis the season to be jolly”. What’s a well-meaning fun-lover to do? Try blowing at least some of your holiday hack this Saturday at the Holiday Swing, Project Transitions’ yearly benefit that puts the “fun” in fundraiser. This year’s fete features live music by the 22-piece Sentimental Journey Orchestra, swing dance lessons, a cash bar, hors d’oeuvres, desserts, and a silent auction featuring over 250 items. Get into the holiday spirit and spend, spend, spend. All proceeds benefit Project Transitions, a local organization that provides housing, hospice and support to people with HIV. What a jolly way to do a little holiday giving.

El Vez Xmas Show

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SAT. NOV 30, 2002

Let’s assume it’s Friday and you’re still fighting the overwhelming urge to shove your finger down your throat and bring up all that nasty Thanksgiving bloat in one giant autumnal heave. No, you’re not a spoilsport. You just recognize that the Pilgrims aren’t holding down a spot in the pantheon of epicurean achievement for a reason. They were starving. If it weren’t for Squanto, they wouldn’t have had two kernels of corn to rub together, much less turkeys – not to mention the Pilgrims didn’t get all that freaky with anything, so fusion was pretty much out of the question. Yes, Don Quixote was right, hunger is the finest sauce in the world, but no matter what you put on it, a turkey is still a turkey. Dark meat, white meat, skin or giblets, turkey is uniquely unable to transcend itself. Thus it is relegated to being the lifeless daily fare of weight watchers and the bland centerpiece of a yearly holiday meal. For the glass-half-full crowd, the turkey and all its starchy accoutrements serve as pleasant reminder of our common heritage and the bounty in which we are lucky enough to share. For the rest of us, it’s the milquetoast emblem of how bad things can be – especially if you let the guy in the black clothes and the belt-buckle hat run the kitchen.

Now that you’ve gotten Thanksgiving out of your system, you may want to brush your teeth and head down to the Continental Club for the spicy sounds of El Vez. Friday and Saturday at midnight, “El” will be performing two back-to-back nights of his special X-mas show, ostensibly in support of his latest CD, “Sno-Way José.” El Vez is all about fusion. Witness classics like “Mamacita Donde Esta Santa Claus?” and “Brown Christmas” and you’ll begin to wonder if maybe the holiday season isn’t such a bad idea after all.

The Chronicle-Fado’ All-Adult Spelling Bee

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THU. NOV. 21, 2002

To most people, spelling and beer drinking go together like term papers and crystal meth – OK, bad example, but you get the idea. However, to the Irish, beer drinking goes with anything: breakfast, lunch, dinner, Sunday mass, parent-teacher conferences, arc welding, cancer research and most importantly, whiskey. Their irrepressible optimism in the face of overwhelmingly depressing circumstance is just one of the many things that make the Irish fun party guests, affable cops, and happy saints. You’ve got your leprechauns, your wearin’ o’ the green, your kilts, your whistlin’ Irish Spring commercials, your Lucky Charms, and the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. “Ruuu-deee! Ruuu-Deee! Ruuu-Deee!” Sure, there’s a dark side to the Irish, but is usually occurs sometime in the morning between the Guinness ropes and the first hair of the dog when the kids are safely in school learning the idiosyncrasies of their adopted mother tongue. In a disturbingly diabolical way, an adult spelling bee in an Irish pub makes a lot of sense. Spelling is challenging enough, but spelling and drinking certainly has to raise the bar (pun intended) a little. Plus, the 21 drinking age pretty much assures that no one will get shown up by a precocious 8 year old inebriate, though really, what could be more Irish? Lastly, if you’re one of those sober, judgmental types who think events of this nature only further reduce the collective intelligence quotient, be extra sure to attend. Your $3 entry fee benefits Literacy Austin.

Austin Chronicle Drag Ball

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SAT. NOV. 16, 2002

Admit it, you’ve always dreamed of dressing up as a man: pasting on the muttonchops, duct taping a giant braunschweiger to your inner thigh and ace bandaging those bazookas down to a manageably flat B cup. Add a dash of Old Spice and stuff a can of Skoal in your back pocket and you’re ready to rumble, tough guy. The only question is “where?”

Here’s where: Elysium, this Saturday night where the Austin Chronicle will be hosting its second annual drag ball. For the second straight year, Red River will be blessed with the crossdressed as New York drag kings Club Casanova blow into town to join Austin’s own Kings and Things for a night of gender bending ballin’. Of course, this devine evening of drag isn’t just for the testicularly challenged. Traditionally drag denotes dudes donning damish duds, so if you’re looking to get in touch with your inner chick, you’ll feel right at home too. It’s all about changing your perspective irrespective of your anatomy. Nair up, hair up, whatever it takes. Be a man. Be a woman. Be a woman being a woman. Be a man being a man. Be a man being a woman. Be a woman being a man. Do your part to Keep Austin Weird. It’s not just a bumpersticker, it’s a way of life.

Wafflefest

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NOV. 7, 2002

Improv comedy isn’t an easy sell–especially not live improv. It’s one thing to snicker at some anonymous ham on the TV, far removed from the intimacy of the corporeal, but to sit several feet away from a nosediving, sweat-soaked comic frantically trying to save the show can be an excruciating exercise in vicarious embarrassment. Very often improv audiences lean toward the masochistic inclinations of the improvs themselves. Therefore, attracting a more diverse crowd can be sticky business, which might partially explain Wafflefest 2002, an improv and sketch comedy festival hosted by the Heroes of Comedy that runs this Thursday through Saturday at the Hideout. Using all-you-can-eat waffles as a come-on for sketch comedy has all the makings of a “Bad Idea Jeans” commercial, but maybe that’s the point. Waffles, both as a word and a food, have a certain undeniable silliness, a whimsy that you just can’t get from something heavier, such as, say…blood sausage. Also, like comedy, there is a very fine line between just enough and too many waffles. An overdose of either can leave you feeling nauseated. Fortunately, the Wafflefest offers up comedy in easy-to-digest two-hour doses from some of Austin’s best improv and sketch groups: Well Hung Jury, National Comedy Theatre, Gag Reflex, The Clap, Ed32, Catch 24, First Round Draft, Fatbuckle, Girls Girls Girls and, of course, the Heroes of Comedy. This could be just the gluttonous break you need from the gravity and earnestness of Tuesday’s electoral bloodsausagefest.

Apologetix

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SAT. NOV. 2, 2002

Every once in a while out-of-towners roll through and thoroughly out-freak the locals. It’s embarrassing, yes, but keeping Austin weird means shaking up the pot every once in a while. Halloween on 6th Street may be scary, but something truly frightening is happening Saturday night at the Round Rock Performing Arts Center. If you have the cajones or huevos or whatever it takes to venture into those high latitudes, you can check out the Apologetix, a Christian Rock parody band that takes perfectly serviceable rock hits and punches them up with biblical/evangelistic references, often with hilarious results. Witness the perverse genius of “Donkey Talked with Him,” a parody of the Rolling Stones’ classic “Honky Tonk Women” that covers the story of Balaam and the Angel; “Bad Dude Risin’” a Jesus-inspired reworking of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Bad Moon Rising;” and “Fast Paul,” a brief, fiendishly nutty history of St. Paul set to the music of “The Way” by Austin’s very own Fastball. The Apologetix aren’t only about goofy Christian lyrics however, there is also the sweep and majesty of their stage show. The band’s get-ups are seriously con queso. You’ve got your Supercuts fade with grocery store peroxide, the faux (or are they real?) leather pants, the shiny polyester shirts, the metal studded belts, the black sneakers – even a full on greasy mullet. Think of it this way: Even if in the end you can’t appreciate their humor, appreciate the fact that they’re keeping a whole new generation of true believers from scratching up their CDs by playing them backwards.

Like Water for Chocolate Film Feast

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MON. OCT. 28, 2002

The fare at the Alamo Drafthouse is good eats, no doubt. Their “Enter the Dragon” pizza is a culinary masterpiece unsurpassed in any cinema in the state of Texas, perhaps beyond. Just try and get a Turkey and Roasted Pepper Sandwich at a Tinseltown or Cinemark. Very likely all you’ll get in return is a cocked eyebrow or a look of abject bewilderment. Fortunately for Austin, Tim and Carrie League at the Drafthouse have taken movie eats to a whole new level. Take the Chronicle’s Monday night Eat, Drink, Watch Movies screening of Like Water for Chocolate at Alamo North for instance. That evening Tim and Carrie graciously turn over their kitchen to the folks from El Meson who will create a wonderful meal to compliment Alfonso Arau’s erotically charged food flick. For the meat eaters, the menu features Quails in Rose Sauce (a purported aphrodisiac) as well as El Meson’s signature Rellenos El Nogada for the veggie minded. Also included in the night’s fare are tortilla soup, mole with totopos, holiday bread and Mexican hot chocolate (water available on request). Top that off with some sangria and Mexican beer and what you have is a big, bold cinematic fiesta. The aperitif to the evening is that while you’re enjoying El Meson’s interior Mexican specialties, you’re also raising money for the Capital Area Food Bank, which is about as close to guilt-free gorging as you’re going to get. Go ahead, it’s gluttony for a good cause.

Edmundo

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OCT. 18, 2002

All of the sudden there’s a chill in the air and the sun is knocking off a couple of hours early. The fading, after-work twilight is filled with the Hitchcockian screeches of grackles and the faint, Fall smell of burning wood. In Austin, Fall lasts until about mid-February, although it’s occasionally punctuated by a few over-hyped, whimsical snow flurries that remind us of chillier climes. Regardless of where the Autumnal Exquinox falls (so to speak), the official beginning of Fall in Austin is Halloween, when Austinites finally have an excuse to dress like the freaks they are in their heads. Excitement and anticipation abounds and understandably, a few people jump the gun. This Friday at the Blue Theater, a gun-jumper named Jennifer Haley will bring you Edmundo, a sharp-dressed, “metaphorical cannibal”/creepy lothario brought to life by a frightening combination of large, fake yellow teeth (reportedly hewn by Haley’s mother), deep, dark eye shadow, and just enough estrogen to warrant a package check. For an hour and some change, Edmundo will regale you with sweet serenades and tales of “love and carnage.” Billed as a “musical dalliance,” Edmundo is written and performed by Haley and directed by Katie Pearl with original music by Will Walden of the Barkers. The show won “Best of Fest” at Austin’s 2002 Fronterafest and was showcased at the Seattle and Vancouver Fringe Festivals in September. If you miss Edmundo this Friday, you can still join him weekends at the Blue Theater through November 9.

Texas Trilogy Booksigning and Fundraiser

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MON. OCT. 14, 2002

In 1967 in San Francisco, a young sailor/folksinger named Steven Fromholz wrote “Texas Trilogy,” three songs about life in the small town of Kopperl, Texas. Apparently he nailed it, because after 35 years of performances and recordings, “Texas Trilogy” is still a relevant and poignant portrait of life in rural Texas – relevant enough, in fact, to have inspired a very nicely and thoughtfully put-together book of the same title. Written by musician Craig Hillis with photographs by Bruce F. Jordan, Texas Trilogy the book ($29.95 UT Press) covers the history of Kopperl and Bosque County by interweaving Fromholz’s lyrics with photographs and stories of local residents. Hillis also weighs in with a fairly exhaustive history of the county, lending both depth and perspective to Fromholz’s lyrics. All in all, it’s an interesting read, nearly as interesting as Fromholz himself. Monday at Scholz’s Garden, you can meet Fromholz, Hillis and Jordan as well as the equally interesting Molly Ivins when they host a booksigning/fundraiser for the Texas Observer. Hearing Fromholz alone would be worth an afternoon at least, but the addition of Ivins and cheap booze means that happy hour could stretch into happy days – in a good way, of course.