MAY 15, 2007
Yes, the world is a beautiful place, but the next time you’re standing dumbstruck, misting up over the pulchritude of that polyethylene shopping bag that’s dancing around in the whirlwind in the corner of the parking lot, give at least a little credence to the idea that someone in the bar might have slipped you a roofie and is about to donkey punch you and steal your wallet. Yeah, that’s the world you’re living in too: a cruel, heartless, dog-eat-dog death match where the ruthless and evil prey on the compassionate and good. Sometimes it’s easy to confuse the two. Sometimes you can be lulled into thinking that being good is good enough, that your evident virtues will protect you from evil and you’ll live out your days in peace and happiness. Wrong. If it didn’t even work for Jesus, why would it work for you? Jesus had God on his side (at least if you buy into the Christian side of the story) and what did it get him? A horrifying, tortuous gauntlet of pain and suffering followed by a slow, agonizing death. Sweet payoff. Is it any wonder the early Christians felt the need to sell resurrection as the sizzle on their burned Jesus steak? Talk about a tough close. There’s a story that needed a Hollywood ending. Can you blame them? Imagine if they’d only offered a couple of months at a timeshare on the Sea of Galilee? Jesus who? Seriously, if you’re going to lean over the plate and take a pitch like for the team, you’d at least like to come home with a win. Sure, it’s a noble endeavor to walk in the path of righteousness, but there is a fine line between “nice guy” and “chump,” and eventually, like Jesus, you’re going to make friends with someone’s enemy and they’re going to nail you to a cross and leave you to die. Yes, people are basically good, but they’re also pretty fucking evil too. They’re murderers and rapists and pedophiles and burglars and swindlers and well-meaning frat boys from Yale who believe they’re doing the right thing. How do they get there? How does someone end up in the right frame of mind to cheat, lie, steal, rape, or kill? Is it because they weren’t held enough as a baby? Not enough lithium in their diet? Lack of intelligence? A chemical imbalance? Video games? Too much coffee? There are no easy answers. The best you can hope for is to try to live a full life without cowering from the unexpected donkey punch – much like Austin musician and composer Peter Stopschinski, who is currently recovering from severe facial injuries suffered while walking to his car from Sixth Street on March 17. Stopschinski had stopped to assist a woman who was having trouble standing up and was jumped from behind and beaten repeatedly in the face. Although Stopschinski was insured, his treatment was not completely covered. This Saturday the Scoot Inn is hosting a benefit to help defray his medical expenses. The show starts at 5pm and features D.J. Lyman, Teddy and Marge, Captain Smoothe, the Invincible Czars, Grimey Styles, Duke, Pong, Delicious Food, Lick Lick, and Cat Scientist. Five dollars lets you walk in the path of righteousness – even if you’re packed in like a sardine.